"Greetings muckahs! Hard man criminal type Jack Edlath here tellin' you that it's the time of the month where we celebrate those unwell (literally) favourites who've passed on in the last four weeks and marvel at the fact that as more talented celebs die, certain actor/producers - who I ain't namin', I'm no narky nonce - seem to get stronger and more powerful. Could this be related?"
"Mostly actors this month but luckily all outta my price range, including Blake Carrington himself John Forsythe, the silver haired fox also known as the voice of Charlie the cat in Charlie's Angels and those safety ads about not going of with perverts....wish I'd 'ave listened to them when I was younger."
"That grim reaper gezza also collected the soul of top teevee bloke Roland MacLeod who you might recognise from his appearances on Coronation Street, Softly, Softly, Ripping Yarns, The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin, Sykes, Please Sir!, Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em and The Goodies before heading to the home of toothsome James Aubrey, the half naked blond boy from the 1963 version of Lord of the Flies. Bastard".
"Taking a break from acting, last month also saw the death of cartoonist Tom Ray, famous for his work on the Looney Tunes series. There's no cartoon of my top hardman adventures but there is a comic.....buy it now kids!"
"Cor blimey! All this death is making me miss my mate Danny Dyer who, as it 'appens was persuaded to go into acting by the handsome Christopher Cazenove who also died this month due to too much boozing.....He shoulda been down my local drinking den....full of villains and real cockernee characters a bit like our final two dead celebs, musician, band manager (of the likes of ver Sex Pistols, New York Dolls and Bow Wow Wow) and star of A Clockwork Orange, Sir Malcolm McLaren and the last surviving Munchkin, Meinhardt Raabe, who died when a truck full of lollypops fell on him."
"Till next month, keep the faith, Jack xxxx".
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