Enjoy.
"Only 40p son. I was in W.H Smith but they dinnae have it. I said "Well gies a subscription then". They said that "wasn't possible" and they cannie put that kind of stuff oot anymore and that the publishing house burned down in the 70's in some kind of "Mysterious" fire. Well it wasn't a publishing hoose, it was just a cottage in Kent with a wee mangle and some ink. I said "Well have you got somethin' that's a bit dark and mental like this" and they said "Well, we've got a special deal on Top Gear Magazine just now". I said 'but there's nae swingin' witches in that is there ya bam?" bought a Yorkie and walked oot".
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